Tragedy

While driving to work, I was listening to the radio. The host came on with breaking news about a recent school shooting that left multiple people dead and many more injured. It was first announced, but no actual information was given about the event. There were no updates nor encouragement to reach out to the community affected by the shooting. It was merely a call to see the good within the tragic event, pray for the families impacted by it, and know that God has a bigger plan that will turn this into something good.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to see the good in any given situation. In fact, we’re told to be content and find peace under any circumstances. However, we’re also told to weep with those that weep. Tragedy is always difficult for those so close to it. News reporters display the tragedy as it unfolds, but they often focus on the negative. This is damaging because overwhelming yourself with negativity makes finding peace near impossible. However, going to the other end of the spectrum and ignoring all of the bad diminishes the value of those impacted by the event. By having someone immediately tell you “It’s okay. God’s plans works out for good.” or “I understand this is bad but look at how many people it brought together in prayer.” can be infuriating.

Tragedies are also often coupled with “knee-jerk” reactions. Politicians try to capitalize on tragedies by pushing specific agendas. If a hurricane destroys a coastal city, along come talks of carbon dioxide emission regulations. When there’s a mass shooting, everyone gets pounded with demands for more gun laws. A famous person died of opioids…well, we’d better get ready to hear about the opioid crisis and what we must do to resolve it. Unfortunately, this isn’t limited to politicians with specific agendas. People closely involved with the tragic events get swept up by their emotions and want something to change.

DON’Ts following a tragic event:

1.   DON'T start listing off all of the good that you can see coming from the tragedy.

2.   DON'T follow the news too closely. In most cases, it will overwhelm you with negativity.

3.   DON'T become angry with those affected.

4.   DON'T tell those affected that it will get easier or better with time. 

5.   DON'T demand change. Process the tragic event and allow others to do the same. 

Allow the person to grieve. Hearing only good devalues the tragedy. Hearing only bad makes healing more difficult. Hearing "it will get easier with time" provides nothing for those affected and, although it might be true, is typically not something people want to hear when they've lost someone close to them. You're basically telling them that they will get over it or forget the person they lost. Becoming angry with them for grieving will only make it more difficult for them to heal because now they'll be mourning the loss of a loved one and dealing with your attitude. Although you can recover quite easily from the first 4 "DON'Ts", #5 is a very important one to remember. NEVER make decisions or major changes while emotionally distraught. Changes made based on emotions rarely have the effect we want them to. And once something becomes law, it is much more difficult to undo. Wait until you've finished grieving and are thinking more clearly before reacting to the tragedy.

The most important thing that you can do following a tragic event is to reach out to those affected by it. Offer a sympathetic ear in which they can relive memories, vent about what could have been, or talk about whatever is on their mind. Provide financial support so that they don’t have to worry about bills or work. Give them time to grieve without the pressures of everyday life weighing down on them as well. Life can be overwhelming enough after a tragedy. No one should have to face the loss of a child while immediately having to return to work so that their family doesn’t lose their house as well. Also, instead of just praying for them, pray WITH them. Let them know that God and Christ are there for us when we need strength and comfort.

“You are to love your neighbor as yourself.” CJB Mark 12:31

As difficult as it might be, we all need to try and put ourselves in someone else’s shoes following a tragedy. How would we feel if we lost a child, sibling, spouse, or friend? What would we want others to do for, or to, us? When we’ve come to fully understand the answers to those questions, we can start helping others.